Tired of Loving like popsicle sticks.

I am tired.

Spent.

I need rest.

I need to sleep.

More importantly I need rest.


The rest that comes from knowing you've done your best. That you didn't spend half of your day text messaging one person, talking on g chat to another and facebooking a different one. All with some what meaningless one line sentences. No, I am not talking about you (or you.. or you) or maybe I am? or maybe I'm not.

And somewhere amidst that you will explode with everything you were hiding from yourself. Like that you hate futures and options. That all you really want to be is a house wife. That you'd be content wasting your intelligence on cinnamon rolls, breast feeding, and sewing quilts. That you are in love with someone who didn't treat you right. That you sometimes drink five cups of coffee in a day to stay awake.. and you don't sleep at night. Or that you love the law.

ok, caught me... I am talking about myself.

A strange thing happened today: I caught myself reading 805 ILCS 5 with a sort of intensity that I hadn't felt toward the written word in a long long long time. My shoulders were rounded. A pen in my mouth hair in a pony tail. I printed off the document-- signed it.. and walked to the recorder's office.

I felt like I knew something more than other people. I knew the power words. I knew the significance of a punctuation mark.

When I read the Livestock report that is put out by the CME-- it was about that Slaughterhouse Act. Remember that from Con Law? Somehow, even though I was supposed to see price and demand and supply... I saw antitrust.. and that creepy professor with his bow-tie and a red face with a sweater vest talking about something that made no sense.. and Steinman sweating through his chest bone. Interstate commerce. I read it.. and I thought "hey, 90% of people reading this have no clue what it is about-- and they are going to spend other people's money on a case decision that I do understand."

What is it about an education that makes you love the subject area? Is it the knowledge-- or is it the sense of superiority? I am not sure. Is it navigating the words to find meaning. I don't know.

I still want to go for a bike ride. But not alone. I like a long bike ride alone-- but in this weather-- I'd be more vulnerable. For this is the truth: I want to be treated like a princess and protected like an egg at the engineer egg toss from the 2nd story window... Can you believe that Jon W won by wrapping it in bubble wrap.. so lame. Popsicle sticks!

I can't wait for Beaver Creek.