I was trying to show Matt some pictures last night. I got the feeling he was sick of looking at them. They were mostly pictures of Thailand- from 2002.

There were also some from highschool. One picture in particular made me kind of sad. Adrienne and and I- we both have horrible hair, horrible clothes, and big smiles. Happy to be free to burn nag champa, not be pretty, and have ideas.

I suppose, that and a picture of Justin Gill and I at a dance. I was wearing this horrible dress I got at Good Will-- and all the other girls I was with were in these lbds (Little black dresses). I had way more fun than them at that dance. By the end of the night, I'd cut it off at the knees-- and had a hoot.

I guess why it made me sad is because of who I have become. I hate that I wear make-up everyday (and no, I am not going to stop wearing make-up... then I'd look like some conservative woman from my church who looks unhealthy). I hate that I don't stay at dirty hotels much anymore.

Or that I don't paint or play the piano much.

I hate that there is no distinction between me and the head cheer leader from my high school (at least in dress and appearance.)

I suppose we all become that at some point. Right? Or we are the lady in her mid-50s with hot pink spikey hair who has some secret happiness and freedom that we are jealous of-- so we act like she must be unstable. When really she just does what she wants. Hmph.

Time to start writing another letter to someone about a legal issue.