Old stuff

Friday, April 22, 2011

Insecurity at it's Finest

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It's crazy how this makes me feel. I like it.

The burn to try. Caring.

The feeling of a queasy stomach and sense that I might not succeed. Looking through books. Trying.

Putting it all together. Worrying about each word.

Yesterday, I got lost in my work. I felt good about it. Even though I am still unsure of success and somehow doubt it, it felt so good. I got a little weepy on my way home from the law library. Because, I realized that I actually do love books.

It's like a beautiful girl at a restaurant that keeps glimpsing at herself in the windows reflection. Knowing she will find a flaw-- a fly away hair...

That's how I feel. Full of flaws- and holes. but transparency isn't always as clear but more opaque. Smoke and mirrors.

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