Matt's House.

I'm sitting in Matt's house. Working.




and Listening to Aaron Beaumont, my dear childhood friend, on his youtube channel.

There is one song that I loved-- and have listened to about 6 times. "With You"

You can't really hear the song very well. But the chorus just resounds with what everyone wants-- or at least what I think everyone wants.

"Because when I'm with you, it feels like nothings ever gonna change."

Or, it could be negative-- a woman singing about her cheating husband- or the man that hits her..... with you, nothings going to change.

I hear it more in the positive light- With you, I'm safe to be me... nothings going to ever change. I feel that way with a handful of friends-- no matter what I can be with them and it feels like I am twelve and like nothings going to change. Safe. Aaron is one of them-- Greg is another. Tanya, Kalin, Kristin, Theresa... people from my childhood. People who know how to imitate my parents and know that I got poison ivy on my bottom at least once a year. People who know that "The Barn" is more than a place for animals. Nothings ever gonna change. There are people who know your parent's middle names... and your favorite color when you were in the 8th grade were green and purple. Or that I always said I'd spend my wedding night at my tree-fort or in a VW bus. (A double wide on a lake in ND is close 2nd).

It's nice to have safe people. The people who don't change-- for better or worse. They are just as you remember even in the intricacies of the beginning of their laugh. You know how people start to laugh? Some people just burst out. Some people's mouth turns down trying to contain the outburst. Some people tilt their head back... some put their chin down.

Seeing those things- make you feel like nothings going to ever change. like there is some preservation in a life of uncertainty.

Last week Richard and I got the jukebox running in the barn. It was the strangest feeling of happiness that came over me upon that happening. I could have cried... but I didn't want to seem like that person. It felt like for a moment nothing had changed. With so much change and brokenness it was nice to have something work . The next day I jumped on the trampoline and listened to Jack and Diane, Parents just don't understand, and Pump up the Jam (pump it up a little more get your body going on the dance floor).... It's funny how I remember ever move to those dances we made up featuring cat walks on the trampoline and bouncing off and running two fingers by our eyes.



Sunny days, daffodil es, and rubber boots. What we all want. Or a lazy day in a hammock and the wind blowing on our face.

Let it be me.