Kind of broke my heart.

I got a package in the mail yesterday-- I was excited to see the UPS man. It made me giggle. and blush a little. it feels good to feel good. You know that though don't you. It feels good to have someone say nice things to you. It feels good to believe them and to say nice things back. It feels good to be unashamed to be nice. Or ok with being sad. It feels good.



I think most people might know this about me-- but am telling you anyway, again: I love to decorate for valentine's day. and often times... I leave said decorations up for a long time. Hearts, quotes on love, chocolates, reds, pinks.


Last night, it was one of those perfect Friday nights that I hurt for. The sabbath of my child hood. The friday night that I gave up dances and foot ball games for. The behavior that is normal and a mystery.

My mom had some people from church over. We were listening to Andre Boccelli and we made waffles
with thickened fruit on top. And we sat around talking. No TV.

Then Etson and I went to my house. I painted, we drank peppermint tea, and he read the English dictionary. All the while we listened to my "Sabbath Playlist" http://www.playlist.com/playlist/18756424459 On occasion Etson would blurt out "and I know... my redeemer... " fading out to then read a word "mundane... is this how I would use this word."

These moments break my heart. They are the moments I want for my children. The relief of a fire crackling, making art, no tv, religious music... and simplicity of quite, restful time together. Eating slices of fruit and play dominos on the floor. Writing letters to friends from summer camp and .... well, all of that simple stuff.

It's hard when you realize that what is your perfect Friday night is not someone else's. That maybe the way you want to raise your children is not in line with the way the person you love wants to raise his children... that these things will be a fight... or a compromise that you don't want to make.

But, I suppose it doesn't have to be that way, does it?


I got a CD in the mail from Jary today. It is his new CD. The songs are beautiful and well done. I hope he can somehow succeed at this since it is his passion: music. I am flattered that subject matter involves me. I am on round two of the CD. I think I like the remake of a few of the songs.

Waiting for my mom to come pick me up for church. I suppose waiting implies readiness. which i am not ready. get dressed to smile and act like the facade of beauty really is my life. But, I guess, today... it is.

Happy Sabbath.